Moving In - 6 August

 I'd hoped to post sequential posts as we left Saint Petersburg about all the people and places I am grieving leaving. But the reality of moving required too much time and energy for public processing. So I'll jump in to the present, and hope to go back in time for more tributes as I have time to process in the next few weeks :)

So the present -- we have been in our new home for 10 days. From day one, we have been so grateful for many generous friends. Julie and John, and Julie and Tracy have given us homes to sleep in for as many nights as we needed. Ken and Ann, John and Sandy not only sold us a lot of discounted furniture, but threw in many extra items for free that have filled our home with beauty. And Jennifer, Chris-Mary and Susan Mussallem Heckmann all offered us multiple free items. We have unpacked the container that Marie, James, Trisha, Mike and others generously loaded for us a month ago, and also the one that Dani Coleman and kids helped us pack in Colorado to clear out our storage unit.

Now we are doing the emotional work to integrate all of our stuff into one physical space for the first time in 24 years. Not only the things we brought from our previous home, but we also unpacked the last box of wedding gifts (extra plates), photographs and cross-stitch hangings from our childhood homes, items we inherited from our grandparents, and most sadly, items cherished or made by Eric's mother. Joy and tears mingle as we grieve and celebrate. And the sheer number of wall decorations waiting is overwhelming!

Leaving and Grieving - Eric's running loop

This is my loop. About a hundred times a year for the past six years I've gotten to enjoy running through one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Grateful today for this beautiful route that God has used to strengthen my body and restore my soul. And I'm reminded of the routes that came before — of the Smolenka canal, Sosnovka Park, Svyatoshin, and the woods behind Universitietskii. In every place God has called us, He has always cared for us by providing a place to run and be restored. I look forward to seeing what that place looks like in the next season. But I know it won't be as beautiful as this one...

Leaving and Grieving - Stuff - 3 July

 Moving internationally requires a severe culling that is heart wrenching. Thirty some teammates over 20 some years, 3 countries and 3 continents… all our children’s toys and books and sheets (!) and dishes. While they are just ‘things’ the memories are so meaningful … Today, fibers from my heart were woven across the city. It brings me joy to see our friends and those in need take home our well used skis, skates, stuffed animals, dishes, and furniture.

Our toy shelves went to the school yesterday, leaving a hole that was created by 12 years of heavy use.

Trisha, Chris, we kept your pasta all these years in the jar you gave us. Annette, your precious teapot went to the Chersunova Chersunov... April, your pizza stone served us well once we upgraded to euro-ovens...

Dalmation blanket was our landlord's in Kyiv. Big bear was a treasure from Tanya Duca... Fluffy bear blanket/robe was from Marilyn and Ray not too long ago... Ella Coe

old linens, so many memories... Timothy Coe, Daniel Jay Coe Ella Coe

Trisha and Chris, remember your sleds?

These went with us so many years!

Hung in 4 apartments but heavy and outgrown... still want to take it!

Leaving and Grieving - Yelagin - 29 June

 Yelagin, for years, you have been a place of surprising beauty, peace and reflection.

You are a place of reflection, both figuratively and literally. You taught me to wait in stillness until I can see past the ripple patterns, then past the beautiful reflections, and down into the depths.... of the water and my soul

You are a place of community. I first remember seeng your 'zoo' with the Miner family. Christina took us boating years ago! My parents (Ray and Marilyn) forded your heavy snow in the extreme cold, Daniel Jay celebrated multiple birthdays on your ice, once Meredith shed her blood. I guess you are a place of injuries-giving me my only concussion (Eric Timothy, Ella, Anna , Evert Jan).

Anne and Melissa, we walked at least once, and this year I finished my school role with the long-dreamed of weekly community walks (Heather, Joy, Maria, 김인숙, Sachiko Uota, Charlotte, David, multiple students and I'm sure others I'm missing!)

I appreciate the Russian value of nature, expressed in the gardens and parks, and this island, for human-powered traffic only!

my spot, overlooking the rowing canal on the left

Just yesterday, Kim Insuk and I did a little extra exploring after walking with the group!

Ray and Marilyn, you were troopers

My favorite spot to sit and reflect is at the yellow bush on the river ahead. But this red tree inspired many frustrated painting attempts

Just this year found the пышки place. Twenty rubles for hot sweetness is too good to pass by

Leaving and Grieving - Sosnovka - 26 June

 Goodbye, Sosnovka.

For a Colorado girl in a dense city of 5 million, to live across the street from a forested park was an incredible gift. This was my place of prayer and therapy, even if making it across the street was often too much for our pack of preschoolers.

I cried when we moved after 4 years, but still visited often. I would ski while the boys had baseball practice, pulling Ella on a sled roped to my waist.

And then we discovered Park Run, and it was the perfect reason to visit. Rain or snow, light or dark, 75-100 people gather every Saturday morning to run a free timed 5K. This is where I discovered the growing amateur sports community that broke all my stereotypes of Russian society. And this was the key for our nascent cross country team—the perfect events for runners of all levels, even Daniel Jay Coe’s varsity speed.

So today Eric and I went for one last Park Run Sosnovka. Meant to go slow but of course I got sucked in to the ethos and competition. My neural pathways are too well established, even if my body is not ready! I’m not going to state my time to avoid embarrassment from my actual runner friends, but it was not far from my best in the last few years. With no speed work and a base of mostly 3K commuting runs, I was pleased to be able to put in a solid effort. And now, I’m ready to nap— physical or emotional, it’s all exhausting.

Leaving Russia - Intro post

I want to duplicate my Facebook posts that serve for me to process the end of our time in Saint Petersburg.

June 13:

After 23 years of calling Russia 'home', we have made the hard decision to move back to the States this summer. There is much to grieve, and many goodbyes to be said. So grateful for the chance to have lived and raised our family in this amazing country where we have spent literally half of our lives.

Obligatory follow up to "I like moving"

Did I have to eat my words?

I was scared to write the previous post, but realized my fear was mostly based in superstition. Whether secular (fate) or Christian (God) there is a belief, even in me, that if I say I enjoy something it may be taken away. And packing and moving are inherently stressful, so it was inevitable that the pendulum would swing.

So yes, I can admit that I did not enjoy many moments of moving. The worst was the last evening and morning. We were trying to fit our household into two carloads. And we have never had to completely empty a home for American landlords. Some of the expectations pushed me over the edge.

And under it all was grief. We were losing a home in which we had found community and rest, meaningful work and fun.

Yet even the stress and grief are good for me.  I have moments when I am broken and exposed, raw and vulnerable. These conditions don't feel good, but I believe they are good. They show the true nature of reality.

Read more about my grief and stress on my personal blog.

Loaded and ready to drive 30 hours. 

I like packing! (!?!)

I'm scared to even write it.

But I have realized a shocking truth.

I enjoy moving.

Sorting, packing, purging, planning, organizing, using up all the food!

Perhaps it's the minimalist in me that loves getting rid of all the potentially-useful-but-never-used items which clutter our closets. Clothes I don't really like, drawers that collect junk, even school supplies that are more expensive to transport than replace.

I love the plan ... as long as we have time of course, to complete it. And this year we are feeling on top of the plan (so far... I can't believe I am actually writing this....!) It does help that our children are all over the age of 10... and the puppy is 18 months, so it feels much better than last year.

When we embraced God's call to move to Irkutsk 20 years ago, we never imagined the number of transitions ahead. As I count it, we've lived in 11 places for a year or more. (I've listed them for our kids, but decided not to post them -- Let the security services do their own work!) And this doesn't take into account the many places we have called home for months at a time... or the four places we lived in DJ's first four months! And more so, even while 'living' at those addresses, we spent every other summer in Colorado, splitting our time between three households of family who take us in regularly, plus trips to visit supporters in Texas and Missouri.... it's true, that moving every week is not my favorite. Packing and moving with small children is hard. But I guess that enduring years of it has some good results.

All this moving and traveling has resulted in me feeling that this week, as we sort and pack, give away and send,  I am in my element! 

(I'm sure I'll have to comment on this tonight and let you all know how it all fell apart. I can't believe I'm going to post this, but better do it now before I'm a mess! By tonight I'll probably be in tears, exhausted and overwhelmed.)

to be continued....

Comparison of there... and here.

When asked how I'm doing here, or what has been good and what has been hard, many of these changes come to mind.

	St Petersburg	Orlando		Δ
Distance from Colorado (miles)	5096	1547		-3549
Avg Temp, Aug-Oct (F)	52	81		29F
(C)	11	27		16C
Decrease in Hours of Light, Aug-Oct	8:25	2:25		6:00 hours
Density of City (people/km2)	3708	899		-2809
Avg spent on Gas+Tolls+Taxi (USD)	30	220		190
Avg spent on Public Transportation	120	0		-120
Exercise Miles: Bike, Run, Walk     Aug-Oct	124	298		174

Living in Orlando, we are significantly closer to our 'home' culture, which means life is less exhausting than in Russia. However, from the beginning we decided to treat Florida as a new country, so as not to expect it to be like Colorado. Climate, flora and fauna are drastically different! The hot and humid weather was difficult in August, but we had been warned so thoroughly that we were actually pleasantly surprised-- it was comfortable to exercise before 7am. October has finally brought about cooler days, even dipping into normal summer temps for Saint Petersburg.

However, there are many elements of re-entry culture stress which we experience. One common theme is that we tend to expect life, systems or people to be frustrating in another culture, but expect everything to work perfectly in our home country.

The worst place for me happens to be parking lots. The big, sprawling strip malls are hard to navigate. But the schools are the worst! I had never before experienced this sort of 'pick up line.' With different traffic flow and parking signs at the three different schools, I try to figure out what sort of purpose the strange systems serve. Often I get to a turn where there is no legal way forward. Or I rebel against having to drive the entire elongated S shape, through the drop off area, when I just am leaving the parking lot.  Only once did a police officer tell me that what I just did disrupted traffic flow for the entire school :) The reality is, in a car-based culture, people drive their kids to school. For the elementary and middle school, bus service is only provided for kids more than two miles away. And the high school has more than 3,000 students, many of whom drive to school or are dropped off. So while I understand it is normal in the US to drive one's kids to school, I still refuse to participate. Thankfully, we live just past 2 miles from the schools. Buses pick our kids up and drop them off in front of our apartment complex, so we only have to drive to school for early mornings or late afternoons. That still happens more than I would like!

How are we doing after two months in Florida?

Tima: "Meh.... actually worse than meh. I really hate school....
{nothing good?}  Civics is the only good part....
{soccer?} Soccer seasons over...
{what do you hate?} the kids.
{more you'd like to add?} Nope.

On a more positive note, I will say that Tim has been thriving academically. His teachers are generally excellent. Those who control their classroom and challenge him have been the bright spot at school. As I mentioned before, he made the soccer team despite his lack of experience. He played goalie and had either boring {too easy} or frustrating {too hard} opponents. A lot of chances for character-building! He did make some friends and has enjoyed going with the boys team to the girls' games.

Danya: "Not now."

DJ has been pouring himself into a hard academic schedule and running on the cross country team. Jumping into serious mileage for the first time in Orlando's climate made his first month exhausting. He made varsity, and is running in the 6th or 7th spot. He has also had chances for character building, as he has not been meeting his goals for improving his times each race. There are 3 or 4 races left, and he is feeling the pressure of doing well. He understands that this year is his 'one chance' of running cross country.

His classes are still challenging, as he chose to take as full of an academic load as possible. Most days he finishes his homework for the next day, but a few evenings a week he has little time. He is continued to be committed to helping lead the Cru high school ministry at his high school, as well as attending MK2MK activities.

Ella: "It's gotten a lot better and I've made a lot more friends.
{What's gotten better?} Everything, school.  It's gotten easier and the weather has cooled down which is nice. At recess, I still read at the table under a tree. Sometimes I get up and play.
{And about Beauty and the Beast theater production?} It was fun.

We have seen a marked improvement in Ella's enjoyment of school. She has adjusted to the academic work and also has friends in her class. She continues to enjoy her friends at our apartment complex. (Almost all of the fifty adults on our program live in one complex, so the fifty kids have ready-made friends as neighbors.)