Leaving and Grieving - Sosnovka - 26 June

 Goodbye, Sosnovka.

For a Colorado girl in a dense city of 5 million, to live across the street from a forested park was an incredible gift. This was my place of prayer and therapy, even if making it across the street was often too much for our pack of preschoolers.

I cried when we moved after 4 years, but still visited often. I would ski while the boys had baseball practice, pulling Ella on a sled roped to my waist.

And then we discovered Park Run, and it was the perfect reason to visit. Rain or snow, light or dark, 75-100 people gather every Saturday morning to run a free timed 5K. This is where I discovered the growing amateur sports community that broke all my stereotypes of Russian society. And this was the key for our nascent cross country team—the perfect events for runners of all levels, even Daniel Jay Coe’s varsity speed.

So today Eric and I went for one last Park Run Sosnovka. Meant to go slow but of course I got sucked in to the ethos and competition. My neural pathways are too well established, even if my body is not ready! I’m not going to state my time to avoid embarrassment from my actual runner friends, but it was not far from my best in the last few years. With no speed work and a base of mostly 3K commuting runs, I was pleased to be able to put in a solid effort. And now, I’m ready to nap— physical or emotional, it’s all exhausting.

Leaving Russia - Intro post

I want to duplicate my Facebook posts that serve for me to process the end of our time in Saint Petersburg.

June 13:

After 23 years of calling Russia 'home', we have made the hard decision to move back to the States this summer. There is much to grieve, and many goodbyes to be said. So grateful for the chance to have lived and raised our family in this amazing country where we have spent literally half of our lives.

Obligatory follow up to "I like moving"

Did I have to eat my words?

I was scared to write the previous post, but realized my fear was mostly based in superstition. Whether secular (fate) or Christian (God) there is a belief, even in me, that if I say I enjoy something it may be taken away. And packing and moving are inherently stressful, so it was inevitable that the pendulum would swing.

So yes, I can admit that I did not enjoy many moments of moving. The worst was the last evening and morning. We were trying to fit our household into two carloads. And we have never had to completely empty a home for American landlords. Some of the expectations pushed me over the edge.

And under it all was grief. We were losing a home in which we had found community and rest, meaningful work and fun.

Yet even the stress and grief are good for me.  I have moments when I am broken and exposed, raw and vulnerable. These conditions don't feel good, but I believe they are good. They show the true nature of reality.

Read more about my grief and stress on my personal blog.

Loaded and ready to drive 30 hours. 

I like packing! (!?!)

I'm scared to even write it.

But I have realized a shocking truth.

I enjoy moving.

Sorting, packing, purging, planning, organizing, using up all the food!

Perhaps it's the minimalist in me that loves getting rid of all the potentially-useful-but-never-used items which clutter our closets. Clothes I don't really like, drawers that collect junk, even school supplies that are more expensive to transport than replace.

I love the plan ... as long as we have time of course, to complete it. And this year we are feeling on top of the plan (so far... I can't believe I am actually writing this....!) It does help that our children are all over the age of 10... and the puppy is 18 months, so it feels much better than last year.

When we embraced God's call to move to Irkutsk 20 years ago, we never imagined the number of transitions ahead. As I count it, we've lived in 11 places for a year or more. (I've listed them for our kids, but decided not to post them -- Let the security services do their own work!) And this doesn't take into account the many places we have called home for months at a time... or the four places we lived in DJ's first four months! And more so, even while 'living' at those addresses, we spent every other summer in Colorado, splitting our time between three households of family who take us in regularly, plus trips to visit supporters in Texas and Missouri.... it's true, that moving every week is not my favorite. Packing and moving with small children is hard. But I guess that enduring years of it has some good results.

All this moving and traveling has resulted in me feeling that this week, as we sort and pack, give away and send,  I am in my element! 

(I'm sure I'll have to comment on this tonight and let you all know how it all fell apart. I can't believe I'm going to post this, but better do it now before I'm a mess! By tonight I'll probably be in tears, exhausted and overwhelmed.)

to be continued....

Comparison of there... and here.

When asked how I'm doing here, or what has been good and what has been hard, many of these changes come to mind.

	St Petersburg	Orlando		Δ
Distance from Colorado (miles)	5096	1547		-3549
Avg Temp, Aug-Oct (F)	52	81		29F
(C)	11	27		16C
Decrease in Hours of Light, Aug-Oct	8:25	2:25		6:00 hours
Density of City (people/km2)	3708	899		-2809
Avg spent on Gas+Tolls+Taxi (USD)	30	220		190
Avg spent on Public Transportation	120	0		-120
Exercise Miles: Bike, Run, Walk     Aug-Oct	124	298		174

Living in Orlando, we are significantly closer to our 'home' culture, which means life is less exhausting than in Russia. However, from the beginning we decided to treat Florida as a new country, so as not to expect it to be like Colorado. Climate, flora and fauna are drastically different! The hot and humid weather was difficult in August, but we had been warned so thoroughly that we were actually pleasantly surprised-- it was comfortable to exercise before 7am. October has finally brought about cooler days, even dipping into normal summer temps for Saint Petersburg.

However, there are many elements of re-entry culture stress which we experience. One common theme is that we tend to expect life, systems or people to be frustrating in another culture, but expect everything to work perfectly in our home country.

The worst place for me happens to be parking lots. The big, sprawling strip malls are hard to navigate. But the schools are the worst! I had never before experienced this sort of 'pick up line.' With different traffic flow and parking signs at the three different schools, I try to figure out what sort of purpose the strange systems serve. Often I get to a turn where there is no legal way forward. Or I rebel against having to drive the entire elongated S shape, through the drop off area, when I just am leaving the parking lot.  Only once did a police officer tell me that what I just did disrupted traffic flow for the entire school :) The reality is, in a car-based culture, people drive their kids to school. For the elementary and middle school, bus service is only provided for kids more than two miles away. And the high school has more than 3,000 students, many of whom drive to school or are dropped off. So while I understand it is normal in the US to drive one's kids to school, I still refuse to participate. Thankfully, we live just past 2 miles from the schools. Buses pick our kids up and drop them off in front of our apartment complex, so we only have to drive to school for early mornings or late afternoons. That still happens more than I would like!

How are we doing after two months in Florida?

Tima: "Meh.... actually worse than meh. I really hate school....
{nothing good?}  Civics is the only good part....
{soccer?} Soccer seasons over...
{what do you hate?} the kids.
{more you'd like to add?} Nope.

On a more positive note, I will say that Tim has been thriving academically. His teachers are generally excellent. Those who control their classroom and challenge him have been the bright spot at school. As I mentioned before, he made the soccer team despite his lack of experience. He played goalie and had either boring {too easy} or frustrating {too hard} opponents. A lot of chances for character-building! He did make some friends and has enjoyed going with the boys team to the girls' games.

Danya: "Not now."

DJ has been pouring himself into a hard academic schedule and running on the cross country team. Jumping into serious mileage for the first time in Orlando's climate made his first month exhausting. He made varsity, and is running in the 6th or 7th spot. He has also had chances for character building, as he has not been meeting his goals for improving his times each race. There are 3 or 4 races left, and he is feeling the pressure of doing well. He understands that this year is his 'one chance' of running cross country.

His classes are still challenging, as he chose to take as full of an academic load as possible. Most days he finishes his homework for the next day, but a few evenings a week he has little time. He is continued to be committed to helping lead the Cru high school ministry at his high school, as well as attending MK2MK activities.

Ella: "It's gotten a lot better and I've made a lot more friends.
{What's gotten better?} Everything, school.  It's gotten easier and the weather has cooled down which is nice. At recess, I still read at the table under a tree. Sometimes I get up and play.
{And about Beauty and the Beast theater production?} It was fun.

We have seen a marked improvement in Ella's enjoyment of school. She has adjusted to the academic work and also has friends in her class. She continues to enjoy her friends at our apartment complex. (Almost all of the fifty adults on our program live in one complex, so the fifty kids have ready-made friends as neighbors.)

Critters and Climate

“Welcome to Florida!” said the fire ants as they bit my ankle.

On our first fuel stop after crossing the state line, I took our puppy to the grass on the side of the road. Suddenly the smallest ants I’d ever seen were causing great pain. I swatted the tiny creatures, slapping and crushing them under my sandal straps, while hopping on one foot and holding the leash for the urinating dog. A minor spectacle, I suppose. The gas station attendant was actually laughing at me!

We heard a lot about the climate of Orlando before we arrived. Many friends live here and warned us about the heat and humidity. But nobody mentioned the fauna! From fire ants to dollar-sized cockroaches, the bugs are definitely a force to be reckoned with. The nice thing about the heat is that we haven’t seen mosquitos much during the day. Beyond bugs, the animals are abundant. Lizards scatter away off the sidewalks wherever we walk. They can be as small as crickets; the bigger ones are about five inches long. Our first evening, we found a tiny frog clinging to our front door. (Some of our children were terrified it would jump on them.) We found more frogs on our bedroom window. (You know your screens aren’t effective when frogs can get inside!)

Occasionally, armadillos poke around the grassy areas of our parking lot. The one animal we had heard about is the alligator. As far as I know, the closest resident alligator is a half mile away, in a pond by the subdivision. Deer and their fawns wander the golf course across the street.

I was surprised that anyone would consider swimming in any natural body of water here!

Can you find the gator?

But the most surprising animal life is the birds. Thirty turkey vultures are usually perched ominously on our buildings and the nearby streetlights. Prettier birds are everywhere-- at least two types of graceful, white, long-necked birds, and today I saw a beautiful black one as well. Pelicans soar overhead.

However, the most unexpected to me are the large ones--Sandhill Cranes wander both the parking lot of the high school and grocery store, and many other places. Different long-legged, graceful birds appear near the ponds and lakes which abound.

Grocery store parking lot

feel free to identify for me...

comments?

Ella loves all kinds of birds, and she and I enjoy spotting them. Danya, though, had a different reaction. The first day I drove with him, he said, “Mom you don’t have to point out every bird.” When I stopped to photograph the Sandhill Cranes in his high school parking lot, he reacted negatively. I assumed he was embarrassed to seem like a tourist, but it turns out he just doesn’t understand why I would take pictures of what he sees as ‘disgusting’ creatures. (As of this writing, Danya says, "Disgusting isn't quite the right word for them, but they are ...blech." I’m not sure what caused the good-bad split in our family over the nature of birds, but it seems to be deep and abiding!

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As far as the climate, we have been pleasantly surprised by how livable it is, even in August. Though the temperatures reach the 90s most days, it is not too bad in the mornings. It’s not exactly cool, but not too hot. The temperature gets down to 76 degrees at night.  The heat index is usually above 90 degrees before 8:00 . The sun comes up later here than we are used to—around 7am. So, Eric and I have been able to exercise every morning, determined to get up early so we both have time. No matter the ‘cool’ temps, it is still so humid that we get quite sweaty. But I have been surprised by how much I enjoy exercising in the mornings. I love being outside when it's still dark, and watching the sky lighten. And it’s delightful to be done by 7am, which leaves me feeling accomplished all day. I’m not sure when I last had so much consistent running and biking! Getting up early has it's consequences, though, as I'm usually ready for a nap at 9:00!

Of course, on the beach an hour away there are abundant different creatures. Skittering birds, 'cute' crabs and even a dolphin in the distance!

Coe-Kid Report

I'll forgo any attempt at good writing and report on how we are all doing! It's been so hard to find the time and energy to get it written!

Danya is crazy busy - 6 advanced academic classes, and a 'select' choir. (His choices, not ours!) But the dominant part of his life is running on the cross country team. He has never run this much or this fast. He catches the school bus at 6:45am. We pick him up at after he runs intervals or long miles in the heat and is exhausted. Except for dinner and a shower, he does homework... and goes to bed hopefully before 10pm. He wants to do more and has volunteered to be on the leadership team and lead worship for the Cru high school group. This is in addition to the missionary kids group which has a meeting or bible study every week! I'm afraid he will crash, but so far he says he is happy to do it all.

Tim has been frustrated that there is no basketball hoop within 2 miles. (I have even taken on the American-parent practice of driving him to play at school a few times, since just shooting hoops for an hour in the heat is a lot, let alone biking there and back! But yesterday he tried out to be a goalie on the soccer team. He just wanted to see how he compared. He had a four-week mini-camp in SPb, and wanted to see how his goalie skills measured up against the kids here. (He didn't want to be on the team since his focus is to be ready for basketball season in January.) But he made the team. The coach says his skills are 'not overly developed' but when he saw him fielding balls, he knew he had his goalie. So the practices will be every day in the morning at 7:30, and we will need to drive him since the bus doesn't go till much later. (His school day goes from 9:30-16:00, almost 2 hours after Danya’s.)

Tim has been doing very well academically. He put in good work for the summer reading and writing, and made a great impression. He likes most of his teachers and they see great potential in him. He was shocked that he was placed in all 'advanced' classes--even math which he didn't have an A in last year. So he is with more academically oriented kids, with higher expectations, and seems to be responding well. However, he doesn't like the way kids act in theater and band classes, and in the halls. He only has 3 minutes between classes so at first he was focused on getting there. But he says that now he sees and hears more and doesn't like what he sees. He was very sad and mad the last few days, as he knows school is starting at IA, and he wishes he was there.

Ella has been missing Russia and her friends all summer. Academics have been hard for her here. I'd hoped she would discover she is good at math but the school is just as advanced in curriculum as IA. And she admitted that in the past when she was the only native English speaker in her class, she knew she would be the best at language arts. Now she knows there is competition for 'best'. There are so many good lessons as the pillars of where she places her are exposed, but it's hard, too, for all of us! She is enjoying PE, which she never liked before, even though it is outside in the heat. And she is happy to get access to a lot of library books. (Schools here don't have 'libraries' now -- they are called 'media centers'.)

In general, I think one hard thing for her is that there are all these terms for things at school that she doesn't know. Not academic language, but rather internal school systems. (The online systems we interact with as parents are the following: Progressbook, School Pay, Canvas, Launch Pad.... I still can't figure out which password is for which, and why I can't login to Danya's!) That's in addition to all the American school supply words which they have never heard before like, "Three-ring binder, spiral notebook, notebook paper, dividers, composition book, pronged folder..." It's amazing to think back to the days when our kids started Russian school and we had to research and translate every word on their list. (Russian friends, imagine us trying to figure out the various meanings of линейка for a first-year student!)

For the first week, before school started, Ella and Tim were so happy to have the apartment pool with our Lake Hart Stint friends. We went every day. (Danya was already jumping into his academic year-- desperately finishing the summer assignments for two classes, participating in 'Choir Camp' and running with the cross-country team.) After school started Ella has not wanted to go to the pool. She likes to stay home and have quiet time by herself instead.... the introvert emerging. Tim has also realized he likes smaller groups or one-on-one. At lunch, a boy came to sit with him the first day, and that was very encouraging--an answer to prayer in a grade with 300 kids who mostly were there last year. But now he brings his friends and Tim isn't so sure he likes the crowd. I still think it's amazing that he is not sitting alone and feeling isolated.

In general, I've been amazed at the lack of mean kids or any harassment or bullying. Everyone is reportedly very nice. The exception at both middle school and high school the boys are shocked at the pervasiveness of bad language.

Please, praying friends, pray for each of them. It has been so much better than we imagined, yet it is still hard for each child in their own way. They have to experience God's presence to sustain them through each day... and it is hard even when a lot is going well.

  

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End of the road … or the middle?

Saturday we drove 11 hours back to Colorado. The 10-day road trip has ended. But as Eric puts it, we are in the middle of a longer road trip. In four days we start our move to Florida. It’s hard to imagine that next Saturday evening (by the grace of God) we will arrive to our apartment in Orlando!

Here in Colorado we have two nights at one home and three at another, so it’s not like we can settle in. Yet our families’ homes truly feel like home to us. For the 19 years that we have been based overseas, they have been graciously willing to host us throughout many summers.

We will have a few last days with our families, see some friends, and enjoy one last evening visit at  our ‘home’ church. And of course there are logistical things to be done (learner’s permit for DJ, the last cavities filled, pick up a bike that has been loaned out for 19 years, bike racks outfitted, all the stuff reassessed to fit into two hatchbacks). Then, we pull up the roots that have started to grow here, leave a part of our hearts behind, and move along.

At this point, Eric and I are very ready to be settled in our own place, but even more, to make the unknown known. What will it be like for the kids in their 3 separate public schools? What sports or activities will they do? What friends will they have? What will it be like to have to drive them everywhere? What will it be like to have to drive ourselves everywhere? What will our jobs at headquarters be like? What will it be like to live in heat and humidity? What will our community be like? Where will we go to church?

There are so many unknowns. For months we have been praying for each of those answers to be positive, while knowing it’s unlikely that everything will be rosy. We are ready to start seeing the reality, after anticipating it for so long!

From the Middle of Transition

(Those who follow our journey closely will note this is a post from last Sunday. Updates will follow soon!)

Last Thursday, we headed east on I-70. It was a full day – 12 hours of driving with mercifully few stops. We headed out early so that we could make it to our friends’ home by dinner. The strangest part is that two weeks from that day, we will be repeating the trip. Then, we will be heavy-laden, driving two cars packed full, with five bikes attached one way or another. Two weeks until we move to Orlando! But literally thousands of miles to go before then.

I’m writing from Day Six of our ten-day road trip. We have been through five states, returned through four, and on our way now south to make a triangle back to Colorado. We have stayed in two of our locations, and have three left to go.  And yet, despite not looking forward to another 12-hour day, we are content. Last week I shared how hard this season of visiting people can be. But one of the underappreciated blessings is the chance to visit friends. I know almost all of us would love to visit friends from long ago, but there is limited time and resources. Yet, as part of our job responsibilities, every two years our family visits numerous people in the towns of our past. Eric and I get to visit the church where we became believers, see those of the older generation who shaped and encouraged us. We get to show the kids the places we are from, the lake where he proposed to me. We drive through our college campus and past the church where we were married. But the best part is the mandate to visit friends. We are so blessed with numerous people who support us, many of whom were first our dear friends. And many more who have become friends since they started to support us.  Add to that extended family and former teammates, and the country is full of dear people we love to see. The best part is that everyone is understanding and full of gentle love for us.

Exemplifying this is the family we are staying with for a few days in Missouri. A few days is not enough for our kids—they are already begging to stay longer next time. Their home is a place of friendship—and recreation—for our kids. It was only six years ago that we came to visit, and it felt like a family vacation. Fishing, building possum traps, hiking through a river canyon, visiting the swimming pool—all activities you would imagine on vacation. Now they have kayaks on their pond, and I get to indulge in one of my favorite activities together with my daughter. And to top it off, last night our friend watched our kids so that Eric and I could go on a date. (Tomorrow’s hosts have offered the same and I wonder how many date-nights we could have in a row!) I am so grateful for how God provides for our needs through their hospitality and encouragement.

And they are not the only ones. I couldn’t begin to list all the people who are not only generous in their giving (which allows us to do ministry full time) but who extend that kindness by providing an easy and comfortable place to visit. We rarely feel like people make demands or expect perfection from us. Lines between ‘personal’ and ‘ministry’ often blur in our life, and this line of who are ‘friends’ and who are ‘supporters’ has basically faded away.

Now, on to the next city, to see more dear friends that we will be sad to leave!